The Funniest Real News Headlines of 2025 (So Far)

Welcome to the weird and wonderfully WTF side of 2025—where logic takes a coffee break, and the headlines read like rejected SNL skits. From culinary crimes to AI clairvoyance, here are the most hilariously absurd actual news stories from this year. We swear, we couldn’t make this up if we tried.

1. Molly-Mae’s Sister Sparks Pasta Controversy

Apparently, the only thing boiling in Molly-Mae Hague's house wasn’t the water. During a docuseries episode of Behind It All, Molly's sister Zoe went full culinary anarchist by tossing dry pasta into a saucepan before adding boiling water.

Cue the internet outrage. The cooking faux pas lit up social media like a gas hob. And to stir the pot further? Molly-Mae dragged her sister’s taste in furniture, calling her budget guest room drawers "big packs of Ikea Spock-off drawers."

Sibling love, interior design shade, and pasta crimes? We’re sold.

🚨 2. Woman Arrested with Bag Labeled "Definitely Not a Bag Full of Drugs"

Florida, you never disappoint.

A woman,Teryn Acri, was arrested with a tote bag saying "Definitely Not A Bag Full Of Drugs"...

Spoiler alert: it was absolutely a bag full of drugs. Inside? Meth, needles, Narcan, digital scales, baggies, cut straws—basically everything but snacks. Sheriff Wayne Ivey summed it up best: "The bag was filled with snacks…nah, just kidding. It was actually drugs."

Acri earned herself another "staycation" at what the sheriff calls Ivey’s Iron Bar Lodge. Moral of the story? If you're carrying contraband, maybe skip the sarcastic tote.

3. Legalized Robot Chicken Fights in Oklahoma

Oklahoma just greenlit what sounds like a deleted scene from Westworld: Poultry Edition. House Bill 1326, sponsored by Rep. Justin Humphrey, adds a curious twist to the state’s cockfighting laws by allowing live roosters to fight robots — as long as the birds don’t get hurt.

The law, effective November 1, 2025, updates Section 1692.9 of the Oklahoma Statutes to permit this bizarre blend of farm fowl and futuristic battle bots. The key caveat? No harm must come to the feathered fighter. That’s right, mechanical mayhem is in—but animal cruelty is still technically out.

No one’s quite sure if this is an animal welfare loophole or the plot of a new Pixar short gone rogue. Either way, we’re watching—metal feathers and all.

4. KFC Launches Fried Chicken-Flavored Toothpaste

Colonel Sanders has officially lost his marbles (and we love it). KFC has teamed up with trendy toothpaste brand Hismile for a collab nobody asked for—but now we can't stop thinking about: fried chicken-flavored toothpaste.

Yep, you read that right. Inspired by KFC’s iconic 11 herbs and spices, this fluoride-free flavor bomb is described as “like biting into a hot, juicy piece of KFC Original Recipe Chicken”—but for your teeth. According to the press release, it’s a “full-on flavor takeover” of your oral care routine. Mint is out, crispy golden goodness is in.

Available now on Hismile’s site for $13 a tube, this poultry paste comes with an optional $59 electric toothbrush, complete with soft bristles, a built-in timer, and enough swagger to make your bathroom feel like a drive-thru.

Originally cooked up as an April Fools’ joke, Hismile’s marketing manager Koban Jones said, “We love pushing boundaries, and what better way to do that than by bringing KFC’s legendary flavors into an everyday essential?”

And while savory toothpaste hasn’t exactly hit beauty trend status (yet), this bold move puts KFC in the same lane as Crumbl Cookie x Dove’s dessert-scented body wash and Auntie Anne’s pretzel perfume. Will it start a new craze or fizzle like day-old fries? Only time will tell.

One thing’s for sure: brushing your teeth has never been this extra.

5. AI Uncovers Cheating Husband Through Tasseography

Tasseography—aka coffee cup fortune-telling—has officially entered the AI age, and it's already breaking up marriages.

In a surreal saga from Greece, a woman filed for divorce after asking ChatGPT (yep, still us!) to analyze coffee ground patterns in her and her husband’s cups. This wasn’t just caffeinated curiosity—she wanted a digital spin on the ancient art of tasseography, where symbols in leftover coffee grounds are interpreted to reveal future insights.

The AI allegedly didn’t hold back. It told her there was another woman in her husband's life, someone younger with the initial "E" who was supposedly his "destined partner." Her own cup reading warned of betrayal and family upheaval. The woman, married for 12 years and mother of two, didn’t take it lightly. Within three days, she filed for divorce.

Her husband, in full disbelief, told a local TV station: "I laughed it off as nonsense. But she took it seriously. She asked me to leave, told our kids we were getting divorced, and then I got a call from a lawyer. That’s when I realised this wasn’t just a phase."

He also claimed this wasn’t her first magical misadventure—recalling a previous obsession with astrology that lasted nearly a year. His lawyer added that AI-based tasseography doesn’t exactly qualify as courtroom evidence: "He is innocent until proven otherwise."

Greek social media has been buzzing about the case, but legal experts are clear: no matter how futuristic your tea leaves get, AI interpretations still don’t hold water in court.

Love, apparently, isn’t just blind—it now takes advice from coffee grounds and chatbots.

That’s your roundup of 2025’s finest absurdities so far. We’ll be here to report when a llama runs for mayor or someone finds Elvis in a smart fridge. Until then, keep your coffee cups mysterious and your pasta water separate.

Stay weird, stay wonderful